I, you, he / she, we, you ... Them. UTOPIA
long time ago ... very long time I had in mind, envy, a ticket on our reconstruction. Micro buttons pointillist I mentioned here and there. Of some, a little of others, not at all certain and probably not the point.
The trigger is now in response to another post elsewhere that will recognize the author.
We have no instructions. Because there is no manual. It does not exist. Lorsqu'éperdus love the sweet and I've realized that the newspaper with the other became vital, the question arose of ... CHILDREN another. Them together. Them with us. We are with them. Home with their parent. These are all relationships that change, because the choice of 2 adults. They must integrate nilly another adult every day ... other children ... another type of relationship with their parent "rearranging".
We began by quietly weekend together ... then holiday ... We looked at each other, our new love, interact with our offspring, our love visceral. We watched her offspring, her loves, in relation to ourselves.
few false notes. Mini. Minute. Inevitable. Because we do not rebuild from scratch but from personal stories kaleidoscopes, circles and squares, still glowing embers on. And we also rebuilt with that of En-face as we call it here. The Other Parent. Ex. Rarely harmless. But to be honest, the former must be said of us.
Here are 3 boys on one side and a girl / another boy who were called to reign
spider spider to live together. Almost the same age. 13 to 5 years. That right now, I realize now that chance we had, oh mysterious alchemy, have agreed as thieves. All were sunk without too much difficulty in the new group, thus taking a new position in the sibling. Became an elder 3rd, 4th and the 2nd one a boy who had a sister recovered three younger brothers, a baby of three became youngest of 5. Before being welded all alike with the birth of a sister town.
Since the birth of my eldest, his father and I were in deep disagreement over child rearing. I watched Sweet with hers. I watched it with my own. I doubt he did the same, it's fair game. I liked his way of being a father. I'd do not feel the courage of everyday life, to entrust my children again to someone who would have had a different design. Too much energy and annoyances that I decided to pass me. Love but not at any price. Punish for the same things. Rein alike. A level of patience and tolerance similar. If not simultaneous, at least alternatively, to compensate for the hardships of the other. By identical paths, bring all our children become adults. We see the world the same way. It's relaxing. Very. We spend our energy to something else. Together. Not against each other. Never. It is a luxury. And it is not the annoyances external missing.
Without this prerequisite starting long ago that our marriage would be over. And the utopia of stepfamily have gone down with. Love alone is not sufficient to pass all the big snakes like anacondas. Alas.
Membership of children? If we saw them live peacefully holiday, it was not clear so far they are willing to share their lives with another adult known as the parent. Remonstrances and affection they accept this stranger. Who they are, do we require of them, obedience and respect. Who takes the place of the absent parent and forces them to disloyalty, they believe.
The stepparent is not a parent, did not have parental authority
(no no, he did not "they" talked about but it remained promises. .. who are those people who believed ) did well, every day, no right to sign the words of the absence or exit permits in the tagboard; in theory has not even allowed to pick up the child in the infirmary of the college or permanently if no longer valid ... in theory has no place at meetings between parents and teachers. Can take him to hospital in an emergency but can not get him ... You think it is practical, in this case! Fortunately, in the practice of real life, our interlocutors are often smarter than the theory. Being
stepparent is the school of humility. Accept it, legally and officially, to be nothing for the child who is co-student as his own, who are given the affection that we feed, we dressed, we lug around extra-curricular activities and evenings with friends. Nothing. Accept in case of separation no longer exist for that child, regardless of affection and kinship. Being a stepparent is a school of humility. To love is to accept "below cost", even just to receive ingratitude and contempt. Whatever. This job who wants it. It will challenge and question time ... It's guilt every day. It means accepting that the relationship's companion / girlfriend and her children are different than those he tied with ours. Since we also practice the reverse. It's their park their common history. Live and build together it's not erase the past of each. And believe me, when divorced two decide to live together there in the trash not only children but also the respective former, new in-laws (is not it,
Cellequisereconnaitra ?), Friends (or future ex-friends ...). This is clearly a household at the beginning to 4
:-) As long as the sauce does not take that the current does not flow between the child and the stepparent, the case was stillborn. Or almost. Relations have been tense at once (for less) with my stepdaughter. I tried stuff. And widgets. And other things. it could only come from me because I was the adult. So it was always mine and mine alone to make the effort. I thought. I bought and read a plethora of books. Revenue presumptuous sometimes. Suggestions often. I enrolled in forums, I read the other long. I read the book by Dan Franck (
Children ). And then I ended up sending all waltz. I did as I felt. As I was. Come what may. To give up. We do not drink a donkey etc..
There is no recipe. There is no experience that serves to friends. And in recent years I am saddened to see that sometimes our friends-often recomposed eventually "break" again. Or almost. leaving them as the thin thread of lovers. More vacations together. That cohabitation is not really one. Painful characters who pass each link. That if they can avoid each other in a big house. A dream that is fading. Because some members did not want this dream. I note with sadness when recomposed with teenagers, or pre-teens, without generalizing but from what I've seen, it does not stick. Too late? Bad timing for these children? Bad karma? Maybe.
with us either, as elsewhere it has bonded with the teen. Time has passed, the teenager became an adult now and even if there is mutual respect and affection while retaining remains for me the frustration of missed appointments, these empty years of aborted links that we could build. Our relationship was the opposite of what it is between his younger brother and me. Everything is so fluid and easy between us.
is a bet, the stepfamily. It's a risky bet. This is playing with loaded dice often means playing by the rules on which we have little control. It is giving a lot of energy, ability to dream, of course. With a result that decoding eludes us.
I wish courage, selflessness, humility infinite recomposed all current or future. Because there is no foolproof recipe and on the craft the book is given a thousand times.
Because nothing is ever won. Nothing is not forever lost.
To Whom It May Concern ...
